Holly and I said "goodbye" to each other today. It's the third time we've done so since her husband discovered that we had a relationship going. I've known for a while that this day was coming and the two of us had tried to take a break from each other twice before. But, it didn't stick. It seems that she and I are crazy for one another and I don't think either one of us really wanted to NOT see each other. But, we were just delaying the inevitable. I knew that she had lots of stuff to figure out with regard to her marriage and, frankly, I do too. I truly don't believe that either of us can really accomplish that while we're still involved with one another. So, at midnight tonight, we're officially on a break (again).
The first time we decided to take a break, we didn't really specify what that meant - just that we wouldn't see each other for a while. I honestly don't even know what happened after that, and when I asked Holly today, she didn't recall either. For whatever reason, we just kind of fell back into our relationship and it felt good. Then, just when I thought we'd reached a good place, Holly had a scare at home that, while it turned out to be nothing, worried her enough to make her realize that she our situation had become untenable and too stressful for her to continue. So, we said a very emotional goodbye a second time. I believe it was less than a week later that Holly told me that she realized that her marriage wasn't fixable and that continuing to see me wouldn't be a problem for her.
So, we fell back into a pattern of talking fairly regularly (though certainly not as much as before we got caught) and even seeing each other when opportunities presented themselves. And yet, I had this uneasy feeling that it wasn't the best thing for Holly. I kept coming back to the idea that a true break was the only way to go. Holly always resisted it and I didn't feel that I could be the one to make the call, so to speak, because I knew that I make her happy and I just couldn't bring myself to take that away from her. I know that sounds conceited, but I really don't mean it that way.
The second time we decided to take a break, Holly and I agreed that it would be ok to continue to keep in touch occasionally. That felt manageable to me. This time, it's different. We're going "cold turkey" - no phone calls, no IM's, no blogging (for her), no NOTHING. The thing is - in case this isn't obvious to even casual followers of my blog - I love Holly very much. She makes me feel really great about myself and that's a hard thing to just give up. But, I do really want what's best for her and her family and I realize it's not all about me - and it's not even just all about the two of us. So, we're really doing it this time.
Holly told me that she finally feels confident enough in the strength of our relationship to take this step. I feel that confidence too but, I'm not going to lie, not being able to see or communicate with the woman I love like this is going to suck, big time. I know it'll get easier with time and Holly and I have already made an appointment to talk in about 5 weeks. I'll think about her all the time, I'm sure.
I have lately encouraged Holly to be a bit more proactive with regard to her situation and not just wait and hope that things work out and that her hubby won't just get upset and walk out one day. She explained to me today that taking a break like this is an important first step in her moving forward and thus, is a proactive thing for her to be doing. I support it fully, of course and truly hope that this break is good for both of us.
Now...as for our meeting today, it was touching and sad, and also, very, VERY hot! I fucked the hell out of her up against the wall - both facing me and from behind. She came pretty hard while I was doing her from behind, too. Then, I laid her down on the couch and licked her to another orgasm after she'd engulfed my raging hard-on deep into her mouth while looking up at me with her pretty blue eyes. We finished with me kneeling in front of her and ramming my dick in and out of her and sucking on her nipples until I exploded deep inside her. Afterward, I sat on the couch and she curled up next to me while we talked about how hot the sex was.
Holly promised me that today won't be the last time we see each other and I certainly hope not, but even if it is, we definitely ended on a high note. I know she loves me, of that I have no doubt. I told her once before - when contemplating one of our previous breaks - that I believed that if we truly have something here, we'd find our way back to each other. Corny, I know, but I really do believe that. A few weeks or even months shouldn't change the way we feel about one another and, if it does, then, like she says, that tells us something too.
So here I am, on the eve of what I hope will be the last break I ever have to take from this amazing, sexy, wonderfully special person that I feel so very lucky to have met. I'll miss ya like crazy, babe ;)
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